"Maintaining" by Rev. Barbara Merritt

[Memos from Rev. Barbara Merritt and Rev. Tom Schade]

M I N I S T E R ‘ S   M E M O

"Maintaining"

My current favorite New Yorker cartoon is by Roz Chast. She has lined up
four very cranky individuals on the sidewalk of a city street. Their
address? “The Corner of Irate and Insane.” Each individual has a little
cartoon bubble over his or her head. This allows us to know what they are
angry about. The first middle-age woman is “mad because she isn’t Bob
 Dylan.” The older man is “furious because it isn’t the eighteenth century.”
The next woman is “angry because The Wizard of Oz was fiction.” And finally
the teenage boy is “enraged by inability to fly.”
I know this neighborhood well. All of us who are unhappy with what is real,
all of us who judge harshly the circumstances of our lives, all of us who
look at the life we are given and decide that it simply does not meet our
expectations or standards are destined to spend some time at this particular
intersection. Our irritation with “what is” and our unwillingness to accept
what is real produces an all too common form of insanity: raging against
what is true.
I call it arguing with God. My colleague, Tom tells me to fold up my tent
right now because God always wins these debates. Or to use a gambler’s
vocabulary, “the house always wins.” Reality and truth always seem to carry
more weight than whatever objections and arguments mere human beings can
come up with.
While I am pleased to hear that many of you have had good summers, wonderful
vacations, glorious days at the beach, and visits with family and friends.
I, myself, have spent way too much of July and August at the “corner of
irate and insane.”
My husband’s stem cell transplant seems to have been successful. (His bone
marrow is now 92% his brother and only 8% of Jeff.) But because Jeff’s
immune system is so “brand new,” we have been living under an unusual form
of “house arrest.” He can’t work for a year. Until his numbers come up, we
can’t bike or kayak or swim. He can’t go to church, or restaurants, or even
out to get an ice cream cone. We can’t travel, or go into any buildings
other than the hospital or the doctor’s office. Jeff can only have a very
limited number of visitors. And he is not allowed to clean, grocery shop,
garden or do laundry. (Thank God, he is allowed to cook!)
So I’ve spent my summer cleaning the house to within an inch of its life,
sanitizing his bathroom every other day, and often making three trips to
Dana Farber per week.
If you ask me, “How was your summer?” I am apt to snarl. Yet even in the
midst of these difficult circumstances there have been a surprising number
of good moments. It can be quite lovely sitting out in the back yard. I’ve
read a record number of novels. And the kindness of family and close friends
has been breathtaking. In other words, there have been times when I have
been able to visit the corner of “Grace and Gratitude,” the corner of
“Laughter and Relaxation,” the corner of “Acceptance and Clarity.” Not often
enough, but sometimes.
When Job in the Bible was moving through a rough patch in his own life,
close friends told him to quit complaining, to lighten up on his tirades
against God, and to adapt a more submissive attitude. Job replied, “Though
he slay me, yet will I trust in him, but I will maintain my own ways before
him.”
How else would God ever recognize his son Job, if Job couldn’t maintain the
integrity of his own heart, mind and soul? Job knew that his circumstances
were making him both irate and insane. What was amazing was that he stayed
in conversation with the slayer. At the same time, he refused to “prettify”
his own anguish and objections.
What I will always love about Unitarian Universalism is that everyone who
enters into our community is invited to “come as you are.” If you are a man
or woman of great faith, we want you. If you have nothing but doubts and
skepticism, we want you. If you are at war with the realities in Iraq and
New Orleans, and with health care in general in the United States, we ask
you to bring your passionate objections to church.


In this religiously liberal congregation, people are not asked to give up
the integrity of their own ways. We maintain that the truth of whatever is
going on in your own life is the right place to begin your religious
journey. And because we human beings are complicated (sometimes hopeful,
sometimes discouraged, sometimes content and oftentimes hanging out at the
corner of Irate and Insane) our church doors are wide open. We hope you’ll
find a spiritual home here.. “Maintaining our own ways” is a blessing given
to every Unitarian Universalist. I am hopeful that this integrity is
pleasing to God.

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