"The Christmas Formula" by Rev. Barbara Merritt

Tue Dec 4 13:26:02 EST 2007

M I N I S T E R’ S   M E M O

The Christmas Formula

Those of us who feel that our financial resources are sufficient to afford
an “American Christmas” face the challenges of discernment, allocation and
generosity. Questions include: “ What is the precisely ‘right’ gift that
will delight the receiver and communicate my appreciation? Which charities,
among the dozens that ask, are deserving of my contribution this December?
How much of a tip is too much? How much of a present is too little?”

Those of us who know that our budgets are stretched far too thin to even
begin to approach the expectations of an “American Christmas” face a
different set of challenges and questions. “Will I go into debt? How can I
admit to the stranger ringing a bell on the street corner, or to my kids,
that I don’t have much discretionary income right now? In a culture where
being cash-strapped or poor is a source of public shame, where not having
all the latest gadgets and electronic toys is considered a form of failure,
how can a ‘modest’ gift carry the same message of affection as something
expensive or extravagant?”

No matter your economic circumstances, if you watch too many television
commercials you’ll quickly find yourself entering a realm of pure insanity.
One commercial claims that “every kiss, every sign of affections begins with
the gift of a diamond.” (This, technically speaking, would not be a gift; it
would be a bribe. And we know what kind of woman only begins to kiss upon
receipt of jewels and money.) Many other commercials suggest that no less
than a new car will light up the face of your beloved. The ads that
personally drive me “round the bend” are the ones that claim that gift
giving is “easy.” They tell you to spend all your money on high-end
electronics. (As if you could make everyone happy with an iPhone?)

Most people I know, no matter their religious affiliation, take the practice
of exchanging gifts at the darkest time of the year with seriousness and
significant attention. It is one very human way that we convey to one
another that we are grateful for someone’s presence in our life. We would
like to offer a little joy, a small token, a moment of gladness to those we
live with, and play with, and whom we feel close to, even if they live far
away.

So as the calendar begins to be interpreted as “only 20 shopping days left,”
we buckle down. We make the lists. We try to get the packages mailed. We
intend to send cards. We fantasize about homemade cookies and crafts and
decorations. And we begin the pilgrimage to the attic or the storage room to
locate ribbon and wrapping paper and ornaments.

This is also when I bring out the “Formula.” My Christmas Formula is
non-verbal, mostly unconscious and only in my head. But what it says, quite
loudly, is that if I do this Christmas “right,” I will make everyone else
completely happy with their presents. Then we will all enter into a state of
Christmas cheer. I can’t even begin to assess all the ways this formula is
wrong, inaccurate, and theologically bankrupt. But the list would include:

* The not-so-good prayer. I am not a big fan of petitionary prayer. (Dear
God, this what I want. I’m assuming you don’t know, or aren’t paying
attention and that you need me to ask or plead in order to grant me many
wishes.) But this formula goes way past asking and even bypasses demanding.
In the Christmas Formula I instruct reality, “this is how it has to be.” If
I do my part (perfect presents, exhausting preparations and beautiful
wrapping) then people will be 1) completely satisfied and delighted, 2)
especially grateful and appreciative of the giver, and 3) falling into a
Yuletide rapture of love and mutual admiration and blessing. (This is a lot
to ask from a box of cookies or a nice scarf or a book.)

* The desire. You can genuinely be caught up in the belief that Christmas is
all about the giving and not the getting. You can convince yourself that
presents are really for the kids, that you already have all you need, and
that material goods never have given you any kind of lasting joy, and never
will. But there remains some secret hunger, that quiet, persistent hope for
some mysterious present that would fill you with wonder and answer your
deepest needs. I can’t even imagine what that might be, but I always find
myself hoping that it will come wrapped up under the Christmas tree.

* The impossible guarantee: If _____, then _____. Fill in the blanks however
you’d like. But if you frame your life (or your expectations) around the
presumption that you can accurately predict what is going to happen (and
that you get to be in control of what happens,) you are going to face
continual disappointments and miss the real presence of joy and grace. Life
is far too surprising and complicated to ever track, with any certainty, the
exact consequences of our actions.

In the weeks ahead, I am going to attempt to throw out my Christmas Formula,
my fearful financial mathematics, and any expectations that there is a
“right way” to make Christmas happen. Instead, in this season my hope is to
keep it simple. To stay open and curious. To spend more time paying
attention to the light of each day. To appreciate the unexpected beauty. To
laugh at the ridiculous commercials on the TV. And I will try to remember
that Christmas itself is a gift. May we welcome what is new and life giving
into our homes.

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